Sometimes in our desire to have an ideal marriage, we set unrealistic goals and expectations for our spouses. When they do not meet our demands, we may forget their agency and harbor resentments, becoming blind to our part in marital problems. We think that only our spouses are at fault, and we justify our feelings because of what they have done to us. Elder Carlos E. Asay reminded us to avoid contention:In resolving conflicts in marriage, we must concentrate on our own weaknesses. Elder Neal A. Maxwell, in discussing how to fellowship inactive members, noted a principle important to each of us, particularly to spouses:
"If the choice is between reforming other Church members or ourselves, is there really any question about where we should begin? The key is to have our eyes wide open to our own faults and partially closed to the faults of others—not the other way around! The imperfections of others never release us from the need to work on our own shortcomings." (In Conference Report, Apr. 1982, p. 57; or Ensign, May 1982, p. 39.)
To help avoid conflict and contention, ask yourself the following questions:
There is no magic formula that will instantly free you from current marital conflict. The only solution is living the gospel. Your own humility and obedience must be the starting point for seeing possible solutions.
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